RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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