help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
