How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
