Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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