I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
