Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
