Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
