and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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