He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
