Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
