I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
