You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
