I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
