I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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