The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
