I can tuck mytits in my pants
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
