soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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