Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We just shotgunned beers for America
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
