As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
