i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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