I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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