WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
