So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
