yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
