I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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