I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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