3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
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