Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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