Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
