All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
