a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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