The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
