apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
