I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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