i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize