At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize