i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
