i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
