tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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