You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
