Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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