and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
