I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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