My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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