i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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