His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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