Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
