was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
