Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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