He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
