and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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