He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
