im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
