Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
