Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
