Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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