So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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