How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
