Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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