never play flip cup with pint glasses
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
