You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
