I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
