I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
