Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
