Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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