I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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