My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
