You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I need moral support for this bender
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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