I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
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I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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