Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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