If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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