I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
