I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
