sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
