oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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