names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
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Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
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Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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