is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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